Why strict parents raise sneaky kids

Many parents practise strict parenting styles, which can often cause more harm than good. Here’s a pattern we’ve seen repeatedly: extremely strict parents often end up with rebellious teenagers. In this article, I’m going to talk about this topic since there are a lot of misconceptions about parenting styles and the effects they have on children. Children who feel controlled rather than guided are more likely to have a less trusting relationship with their parents, leading to secretive behaviour and miscommunication. 

First of all, let’s specify what “strict parents” actually mean. Most people who hear the term “strict parents” think of authoritarian parenting, meaning parents who use harsh punishments regularly, demand obedience without question, and never explain their reasoning. This differs from the second approach, which is parents who have clear rules, consistent consequences, and high expectations, but also provide explanations for their rules. 

Psychologist Diana Baumrind identified two types of strict parenting styles: authoritarian, meaning overly strict parents with many rules, often without explanation, discipline that relies on punishment, and little flexibility, and authoritative, meaning parents with a healthy structure and high expectations, clear rules with reasoning, consequences for actions, and boundaries, but still combined with warmth.

Now, many parents think that if they shelter their child from dangers and do not let them make their own experiences, it will protect them from the dangers of the world and turn them into responsible adults. Their intentions might be good; they want to protect their children and want the best for them. Yet, research and studies, and even personal experiences I have encountered with friends who have overly strict parents, prove the opposite. Instead of creating a comfortable space where their children feel heard and feel that they can always go to their parents if they need anything or want to talk about personal matters, they distance themselves from their parents. Parents should give their kids the feeling of guidance and support instead of suppression and control. 

E.B.B. / S5DEA